My Real Name.
by Jane LaFazio
by Jane LaFazio
I've always envied people with a formal name that could become a casual name. They had options. Victoria: Vicky, Vic, Torrie. Margaret: Beth, Midge, Maggie, Meg, Peggy.
Jane is just Jane. Or if you’re a kid, Janie, or if your mom is mad at you, Jane-ette!.
My mom told me she got the inspiration for my name while ironing in her garage. She noticed a box of Slim Jane Pretzels on the shelf and thought Jane would be a good name. As a kid I was called Janie. I like a two syllable names. Roxy. Katie. Margie. Trixie. LuLu. Carrie. Cosette. Well, Cosette may be a little ostentatious for a woman born in California. I wanted to be blond and named Sally when I was in elementary school.
Delicate Flower was what my big brother called me when I was going through a particularly difficult emotional time as an adult, or when I was a kid, he locked me in the bathroom by shoving the chest of drawers in front of the door, so I couldn't get out. (I hollered out the window, until he came and let me out.)
Yesterday, my name was Selfish-Busy-Too-Tired. I just wanted to be alone. Sometimes my life overwhelms me. Like all of us, one can go through those times. Particularly difficult, challenging times. Then just call me Marge. Or Nell. Or Nora. You know, someone who acts unhappy when they really have no right to be.
Tomorrow my name will be Rested-Caught-up-Cleaned-up. I will be well-balanced and organized with my act together with a name like Emily. Call me Em. A strong name. Or maybe Veronica or Saundra or Genevieve.
My mom told me she got the inspiration for my name while ironing in her garage. She noticed a box of Slim Jane Pretzels on the shelf and thought Jane would be a good name. As a kid I was called Janie. I like a two syllable names. Roxy. Katie. Margie. Trixie. LuLu. Carrie. Cosette. Well, Cosette may be a little ostentatious for a woman born in California. I wanted to be blond and named Sally when I was in elementary school.
Delicate Flower was what my big brother called me when I was going through a particularly difficult emotional time as an adult, or when I was a kid, he locked me in the bathroom by shoving the chest of drawers in front of the door, so I couldn't get out. (I hollered out the window, until he came and let me out.)
Yesterday, my name was Selfish-Busy-Too-Tired. I just wanted to be alone. Sometimes my life overwhelms me. Like all of us, one can go through those times. Particularly difficult, challenging times. Then just call me Marge. Or Nell. Or Nora. You know, someone who acts unhappy when they really have no right to be.
Tomorrow my name will be Rested-Caught-up-Cleaned-up. I will be well-balanced and organized with my act together with a name like Emily. Call me Em. A strong name. Or maybe Veronica or Saundra or Genevieve.
Honestly, I know my real name is Strength-Grounded-Confident. And, I guess Jane is the exact right name for me. Straight and to the point.
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| The real Jane at 10 years old. |
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I showed you some of my writing practice here. I've been trying to write and recently finished Judy Reeves Wild Women writing class. (You can read my interview of Judy Reeves here.)
I showed you some of my writing practice here. I've been trying to write and recently finished Judy Reeves Wild Women writing class. (You can read my interview of Judy Reeves here.)
This is one of the writings that came from the class. My classmates, Judy, and I will be doing a reading of our work at The Grove, (in San Diego) on March 17, 4:30-6:00pm. You're invited. It's free.
What would YOUR real name be???
What would YOUR real name be???
I was born in Brazil of Brazilian parents, and my mother wanted to name me Indiana. It doesn't sound like the name of a state in Portuguese. The priest at my baptism wouldn't have it, and asked for my grandmother's name...Hilda, so Hilda I've been. I imagine it was all good as growing up in the U.S. with a name like Indiana wouldn't have been fun--before Indiana Jones became popular. My maiden name was de Campos...and I frequently was called Hilda decompose.
ReplyDeleteWell, as a teenager in California, Indiana would have been a great name! (Remember the names Moon Unit, Sunshine and Rainbow?)
Deletethanks Hilda!
My name is the most popular girl name of the year I was born. My life has been a swarm of Jennifers, Jennys, and Jenns. My two roommates in college... you guessed it, Jennifer and Jenny. Most of my life, I dreamed about a better name - always something one syllable and smart-sounding, like Kat, Kit, or Kate. I wanted something no-nonsense, which I now see as funny... I am quite a bit of nonsense. Nowadays, I am fine with whatever. I will answer to all forms of Jennifer and I will even answer to Julie (my sister's name.)
ReplyDeleteyes, Jenny is a good name. It's a really friendly name, I think! and you can always be no-nonsense Jennifer.
DeleteMy name is Gayle Kathryn Bodine and the only part of my name that I struggle with is the Bodine. Strangely, I've been twice married and divorced and never took "his" name. When girls were changing and adding letters to their names in Junior High I just shrugged and gave them encouraging feedback about their handiwork.
ReplyDeletePersonally I always liked that there was no real "short" for Gayle. No one ever called me Gaye or Gay-lee. Sure, everyone always has spelled it wrong (Gale, Gail or Gael)but I love the "Y" in both my first and middle names. I always thought I would have a daughter and name her Kathryn and call her Katie. My best high school friend named her daughter that. My son's name is Patrick.
Come to think of it I did ask one of my guru's to "name" me in a fit of devotion. Her response: "I see you no different than myself. You do not like your name? Then meditate, if a new name arises take that". Nope, it's just Gayle.
Oh, and I love that my name has a slightly mythic back story. Apparently my father could not go to work because the road was washed out due to a hurricane that hit Rhode Island. 9 months later I was born and named Gayle (like the wind). I think it was also after the famous alcoholic TV actress, Gale Storm who was "My Little Margie" at the time. I once thanked my mom for linking me to an epic weather event, like a Greek goddess or something. She said: "But honey, it was only a LITTLE hurricane". Hubris averted.
Ha! I didn't not gale storm was an alcoholic!
Deleteand I added a y to jane...Jayne.......in high school for a while. Even got my social security card at 16 with Jayne.
My name initially was "baby girl H." In foster care my name was Susan. My adoptive Mom kept the name for a bit until one day my Dad, a very quiet man came home from the railroad and said that I was not a Susan but a Peggy. I've never liked it except for the fact that my Dad offered an opinion and it was embraced! I would have liked it more if I would have been Margaret so that I would have been able to happily utilize Maggie! I love that name. When I found my birth parents and reunited with my full bio siblings, Mama told me she wanted to name me Callie. I LOVE THAT NAME. I've never changed it though all 4 parents are now gone out of respect I suppose. We named our girls in such a way that they could have fun with their nicknames and then be more formal in their professional lives.
ReplyDeleteWow, what a story. baby girl H. That's powerful.....and imagine if you were Callie...thanks soo much for sharing your story.
DeleteI was a Julie for my first 22 years. Julie Diehn, pronounced Dean. My mother tells me that my father wanted to name me Heidi, but Heidi Diehn was too much. So Julie it was. Then we moved and there were 3 Julies in the neighborhood. Then we moved. I became Jules. Really didn't like it.
ReplyDeleteWhen I graduated college, I decided to use my middle name, Elizabeth. I guess it changed me when I changed my name. During college, as Julie, I came to my parents house and met some of my brother's co-workers. I met this guy John. He remembers Julie as pushy, over-bearing, and obnoxious. We met again 2 years later after I had changed my name. We have been married now 17 years.
My real name is creative-resourceful-demanding. I don't always like that name, but am having a much harder time trying to change that one!
Thanks for sharing!
isn't it funny how we put attitudes on names, Elizabeth? or I mean "j elizabeth." (that sounds good too!)
DeleteI don't have a middle name, my mom thought LaFazio was enough of a mouthful. sniff. NMI (no middle inital)
I think my name fits me. My first name (Mia) came from a fellow student that my dad met at Art Center in Pasadena. My middle name (Rae) just sounded good to my parents. I love my creative parents!
ReplyDeleteGreat article Jane. Very nice writing and thought provoking. My Mom always had the name Lisa picked out for me, she said "she just liked the name, no real reason." She never even considered a boy name. Lisa is a plain name and there really isn't a nickname for Lisa. My friends would sometimes call me "lease" -shortening an already short name. I tried to go by Lee in one of my high school classes but I never got used to it and decided that I was just plain Lisa no matter what - unless of course Mom was mad and brought out the middle name "LISA KAY!" haha However my friends and I did take nicknames for ourselves from the characters in The Muppets. I was Animal. Animal was my inner alter ego because I felt like I was just the opposite in person.
ReplyDeleteAt this moment I think my name is procrastinator-extrodinare. I need to hurry and change my name to awesome-creative-hardworker. I guess the best way to do that is to get to work! Thanks Jane!
Jane, what a great topic. I was born Linda but had my name changed legally to Lynda when I started into high school. Mom paid the court 50 cents to change my i to a Y. Supposedly my older sis wanted my name spelled that way when I was born but they made a mistake. Anyway, Lynda was a very popular name all through grade school and high school. I never had less than 4 Linda's in my classes so I was called Lynda Sue in some of them. My siblings called me "Lay" which I have no idea where that come from and unfortunately they are all gone now to ask them except one. I need to ask her if she knows. I also ran around with a group of girls in high school and college - 4 Lindas and a Deb. We ended up numbering ourselves since we'd all look when someone mentioned our name. I was Lynda #2. I always wanted an exotic name and black hair (instead of my blond hair and blue eyes!) And talking about Indiana, I've lived here for my whole life! However, I wouldn't have wanted to be named after my state. Again, Jane, great blog post and topic.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this post, for many reasons. Thanks for that!
ReplyDeletethis is an interesting subject and so many of us have a story. I was born Shirley Ann but given up for adoption at birth. My adoptive parents renamed me after a maiden aunt so I got the first name of Zella. My middle name is Audrey and that was what I have always been called. My last name was changed with the adoption and has since been changed during my 2 marriages. When I found my birth mother and 5 full siblings just before my 50th birthday ,the first thing my birth mother asked me was "are you still called "Shirley". It brought tears to my eyes. When I found out my birth name after the death of my parents, I just figured that it was a name pulled out of a hat by the adoption agency. It never occured to me that it was chosen for me. I'm used to Audrey and will alway stick with it but Shirley has a special place in my heart.
ReplyDeleteMy name is Judith Ann, aka Judy. Growing up, I was known as "Judy 2", as there were 3 of us in the neighborhood, so we got assigned a number according to our age. In my graduating class of 200 from high school, I think there were at least 12 Judys, so it was definitely a popular name for girls when I was born. All I know is, growing up, when I was in trouble, it was Judith Ann for sure!
ReplyDeleteI love your story, Jane, and I confess... when I think of you, I think "Janie"! And I wish I could be there to hear you read on the 17th... I love that you are doing more writing! Just another wonderful creative tool for you to use!
My real name is Denise. When I was young and in grade school my nickname was Denny. That suited me just fine for a tomboy with an attitude. Then when I went to college I wanted my real name because it was much more sophisticated and I was studying French..so what better than a real French name. When I met my husband he and his friends shortened their girlfriends' names to just the first letter so I was "D" to him and his friends and family but always hated it. Who gives someone else the right to shorten your name to a silly letter? Did I say he is my former husband?
ReplyDeleteA few years ago while attending a women's workshop the ice breaker question was "If you could choose your own name, what would it be? I will think about it again and see what I come up with although I'm pretty sure it would still be a French name.
I've always had a love/hate relationship with my name (also Jane), mostly based on its ubiquitousness. I hate that it is used as the default name for an unknown female (Jane Doe), which makes it so impersonal, I loathe the Plain Jane that I was sometimes teased with as a kid, but I loved the Lady Jane that one of my friend's dad called me. The only person who ever called me Janie on a regular basis was my grandma and now that's she's passed, it bothers me if anyone else tries to call me that. I did decide early on that Jane from Jane and Tarzan was a good "Jane" role model, boldly setting off for adventure, being strong-headed and independent, taming wild, long-haired men (have you met my husband? loll. I've actually made it a point to see every version of every Jane and Tarzan movie ever made. The old Johnny Weissmuller movies and the Christopher Lambert Greystoke are my favorites!
ReplyDeleteMy husband, as someone who speaks English as a second language, pronounces my name Yane, and that's kind of fun. Oddly, despite the stereotype of there being more Janes than anyone, I only ever went to school with one other and she was Jayne. Now Jane is coming back as a cool, retro name among those having babies in the last few years. I don't know what name I would have chosen, but probably would have liked something that didn't have the perception of being so generic, sturdy, and bland. Haha!
Jane D! Lovely to read your Jane perspective! Funny, that I took Plain Jane as my business name for many years and that I always disliked it when men, upon meeting me, would say "I'm Tarzan." We both agree on liking "Lady Jane!"
DeleteAnd I do have a friend who calls me "Hane" which I love, since I never really had nicknames. Thanks so much for sharing your perspective!
I would only want to go back to including my middle name, Carol Ann. My mom used to call me that, not always when she was mad, and my grandparents did and it's been a long time since anyone has addressed me that way!--Carol Ann Collier
ReplyDeleteI'm Judy, and like 'tyedyeJudy', I'm Judith Anne, but as you can see, with an 'e'! I detest the name Judith and instantly recognize that anyone who calls me that, does not know me. I have a friend named Judith, and she fits the name to a t. I'm ok with Judy, and have loved some of the nicknames that I've been given: Jude, Joo, Hoodie (long o, not hoodie like the shirt), Uncle Hoodie from my nieces and nephews, Middle Bird (dont' ask!). The best name that I have recently acquired is MiMi - I chose that when my first grandchild was born. While growing up, I admired a friend of my Mom's named MiMi, and when someone suggested I be called MiMi rather than GrandMa or Nana, I was instantly hooked on it.
ReplyDeleteYour name story is great. I like that you change your name according to your mood, but I truly cannot imagine you ever in a bad mood. You have always been so sweet and bubbly!
xxoo
Throughout my childhood, they called me Janet or Jan ... with the exception of a 6th grade teacher who called me Brownie (due to my last name of Brown). I wasn't much enamored with the name Janet and decided I wanted to be called by my middle name Dawn - which I love. Mostly it was difficult for people to remember to call me Dawn after knowing me as Janet and when they did, I sometimes didn't realize they were talking to me. Needless to say, Dawn didn't stick. When I married, there was much confusion amongst his family since he had an aunt named Janet. So I became Jan. And after we parted, Jan has remained the name by which I introduce myself. The only nickname I can recall is Janie (short a); but only my mother and 1 aunt can get away with it!
ReplyDeleteI have been enjoying your writing lessons. I, like you, am just plain Jean. I had a complex with Jeannie because I was the youngest in a family of 5. It sounded like a little kid. Just Jean, please. I think the only other name I have ever coveted was Scout. I always thought I would marry an Atticus. I look forward to more of your writings.
ReplyDeleteA Jane by any other name would be as sweet! I love you!
ReplyDeleteLove this discussion! Hope I'm not too late to join in!
ReplyDeleteI was named Libby after my mom's mom, who died at the age of 44. Her name was Lillian but because of her Hebrew name, they called her Libby. Of course, since I was the firstborn daughter, my mom was going to name me after her own mom, who everyone said was a wonderful woman.
Having a name like Libby, however, was not too easy. People either didn't understand the name (Must be short for something? did you say Debbie?)or they sung me the song from the old Libby's Libby's Libby's commercial. My great-aunts, sister to my late grandmother, couldn't bear to call me Libby, so they all called me Libby Ann (my middle name). And I never could find any readymade items (mugs, stickers, etc.) with my name on it.
Over the years, I asked my parents why they didn't name me something more common -- Linda, Lisa, whatever. (Years later, I got a cousin names Lisa, named after that same grandmother.) They said they didn't even consider something else. But it really distressed me -- especially in my teen years when I was trying so desperately to fit in with the popular kids.
About a year after my husband and I married, I decided enough was enough. I decided I wanted to be known as Leslie... still a name beginning with L, but something I thought was cooler and more "me." I used it at work for a long time before finally breaking the news to my parents. My mom thought it was "weird" to change your name and said she'd never have picked Leslie for me because in 1959, that was a man's name!
I've been known as Leslie for about 30 years now, but never changed it legally. My driver's license, medical records, etc., still say Libby. So I actually have two first names!
Fun topic! My name has gone through many transitions. I was born Linda Carolyn Brock. My mom said her two choices were Linda and Holly. She decided to name me after her sister, but I wish she had chosen Holly. Then, when she remarried Mr. Wood and my stepfather adopted me, I would have been Holly Wood! But alas, it was not to be. But I did become known as Linda K Wood, the "K" standing for Knock-on (knock on wood!) I had fun asking people to guess what the K stood for in my name. So where did lulu come from? My beloved Grammie liked to call me Linda Lou. My first husband (Mr. Moon) called me Linda Lou. When I got back into doing art seriously, I tried on the name Lulu. Someone at Artfest the first time I went told me I seemed more like a Linda. Hmph! But as I worked on myself and came out of 40 years of chronic depression, people have said I seem more like a Lulu. I changed it legally when I married my beloved Mr. Murakami, so now I am really a lulu!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was born, I was given the name Carol Ann Andrews - I was then placed for adoption in a Methodist Children's Home in Detroit by my 19 year old biological mother who wasn't married and chose not to keep me. That was in 1955 when things were a lot different than now. I was adopted three months later by my wonderful parents who named me Annette after my mother and her mother. I grew up being called Anne. When I was in my thirties I chose to start going by my full name of Annette which I really prefer. I am Aunt Nettie and Grandma Nettie to my nieces, nephews and grandchildren and I like that, too!!
ReplyDelete